Over the course of 15 years, i feel that pain often strikes me and i have to endure it. The pain comes from so many directions. I retained this year and my father said these exact words to me and my yunger brother:" I think i must kill one of you so that the other one will wake up. Why are you two so fucking stupid? Why can't you all be responsible? John, you're already 15 years old.". Am i really such a let down? I studied hard for my final exams, copied down notes and all. But when the results came out, i literally flunk all my subjects. Ofcourse when i got my results, i paniced and thought of ways to avoid letting my parents see. Unfortunately they still found out about it and my father left me, saying that i'm not his son. If i'm such a let down, they should have aborted me when i was still in my mother's womb. That would solve all the problems now and i didn't have to suffer such pain. I'm also in a relationship and it isn't going too well. I've been with her since 06.09.10 and many problems have caused us to argue and quarrel over such stuff. I feel that instead of getting closer, we're drifting apart. I often feel very jealous when she's with other guys and i feel quite useless because of my retainment. She confessed that she was also jealous because of another of my friend that i always communicate with. I feel like we're not even together anymore. Awhile ago, we were quarreling. My brother and i are not allowed to go out so i suggested that they come to our house instead. But because everytime they come, the house will be very messy and my brother and i are left to clean up the mess. So i told her that only 5 people are to come up, no more than that. But all 6 of them wants to come up. Afterthat, she said that all 6 comes up or all of them won't go up. So i said that they did not need to come up already. Then she said that because of such a little thing, they cannot come up. Awhile later, i decided to let them come up. Then she said that they not coming my house already and that she doesn't care about me. So i said:"Okay, I'm fine with this.". Then Awhile later, my brother says that i don't have to call, message or look them up anymore. Is it really my fault? What did i do to deserve this.. I really don't get it.